New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
