What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
