I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
