I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
