Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
