I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
