I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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