he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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