i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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