a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
