i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
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