Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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