Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
