You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
