Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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