In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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