The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
