you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
