i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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