I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need a beard to bite.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
