we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
