Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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