you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
