no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
