he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
