Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
