Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
as a side note pls kill me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
