I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
