it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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