Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
