What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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