I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
