I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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