dude i'm inner monologue high
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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