i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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