i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i've created a new STD.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
