I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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