Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize