After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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