He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
