I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
