You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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