I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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