what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
