dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
