so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
