Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize