I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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