Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My ass is underappreciated
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
