wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
