I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
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he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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