She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
