im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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