its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
