and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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