At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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