Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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