yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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