I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
