Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
