you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
