I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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