New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
