Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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