Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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