So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
