I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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