She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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