he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
