Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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