Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I cockslap morals
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
