I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
