Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
