You're completely useless in the revolution.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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