he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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