We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
