Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
