The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
