Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
