Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
